On a Thesis Advisor: A Relationship That Should Last a Lifetime

By: J. Oscar C. Jimenez Halla

(The author was listening to “Carry On” by Kygo while writing these lines)

When I think of my thesis advisors, now more than ever, I can’t help but smile. From time to time, I reflect on the words they once shared with me, words that make far more sense today. Memory takes roll call of countless anecdotes, even days and nights of intense work. Your career path becomes smoother, less blurry, when you revisit those formative experiences, i.e. moments where your thesis advisor whispered a few words that hinted at a destiny you might choose for yourself.

My doctoral thesis advisor is a man in the prime of his life, who has held numerous academic posts at his university and is widely recognized both nationally and internationally. Along with two colleagues (one of them an emeritus professor, who introduced the Carbó similarity index, a quantitative measure used in theoretical and computational chemistry to compare the similarity between two molecular electron densities) he founded a research institute within his University’s Department of Chemistry. We don’t live in the same country (though we speak the same language) so our cultures and traditions differ. Well, his country is actually within another country, but that’s a story for another day.¹ Still, in terms of tradition, the music, the way of life, and the fight for cultural identity in his homeland remind me deeply of my own roots in Oaxaca, the Mexican state where I was born. Like my region, his people have their own distinct language. And perhaps because of this, I’ve come to understand, appreciate, and truly value them. Their traditions also emphasize true teamwork and a love for nature, values they learn from childhood.

But let me return to my advisor. He is completely dedicated to his work (the hardest-working person I have ever met) which is why I admire and care for him deeply.² He is a true gentleman, mature in a way that is rare in my country. Level-headed, diplomatic, always ready to act. He is my role model.

A thesis advisor plays a crucial role in your life, often more so than a tutor. They're not just a coach who offers advice and encouragement in difficult times or teaches you something new in your field. A good advisor reveals a path you might follow (or not) assigns you tasks meant to build your independence, and motivates you to one day become like them, perhaps even to surpass them. A career doesn’t last only the few years you spend near your advisor, in the lab, the office, or the university. They know this well: a career lasts a lifetime.

Sometimes your advisors may be upset with you, or you with them. In my experience, when your advisors seem angry, it’s often just their way of signaling that your behavior isn't appropriate. It’s like they’ve left a post-it on that moment in your life, for you to revisit later.³ But if you’re upset with them, you should tell them (somehow). If they get angry, it may mean they’re still young at heart and still learning. Because now I understand: a thesis advisor learns more from you than you will ever learn from them in theory or technique. And if they don’t get angry, they’ll probably explain the situation and clear up the misunderstanding.⁴ After all, a good advisor always has a smile for you once the storm passes (and makes you reflect). Of course, that depends on how young you are, whether you’re complicating simple matters and overlooking what’s truly important. But I assure you, a good advisor will always want to make amends, because they truly care.

Do you want to know my favorite moment with my thesis advisor? It’s the same moment I treasure when I’m with someone cultured, generous, and influential. It’s when you walk into their office (that is, when they share with you their precious time) and they give you a lesson. Not just any lesson. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced it. It’s a private class, filled with insights not yet found in books (still fresh), layered with personal notes and a unique perspective on the subject. In those moments, I’ve felt time bend and stretch. And even if they send you off with a mountain of articles to read, they always say goodbye with a smile. When that meeting ends, you feel like you understand everything about the topic. As if you have been chosen to continue the saga, to carry the torch with purpose in your life. If you have (or have had) an advisor like that, count yourself lucky.

Now life has brought me to a new role: I am now a thesis advisor. What a responsibility! At some point, many of us dream of becoming the boss: to do things more fairly, more compassionately, less harshly, and so on. Suddenly you’re there, and you realize it’s not as easy as it seemed. You’re pulled in all directions, trying to meet expectations, yours and others'. Once in the "presidential chair" all the requests start pouring in.⁵ Some feel more like heartfelt demands, as if a mutiny were brewing aboard the ship. Over time, I’ve realized that this is what happens to anyone in a position of authority. So now it’s my turn to “step up,” as we say in Mexico, to put on a serious face⁶ (but not too serious), and calmly explain to the student how we’ll handle the situation (and there we return to the earlier discussion.)

The first thing a thesis advisor must learn is how to manage their time, especially when many students join the group. Like a head of a household, the more “mouths to feed,” the more resources needed to support them fairly and sufficiently. Some advisors believe students should fund their own projects or even cover all costs. I disagree. That’s not how I was trained (in that country where moltes gràcies means “thank you”). For me, it’s like being hired by a company and then being told you must use your own salary to pay for your travel, accommodations, and work materials. But I digress, dear reader.

Returning to the point: a thesis advisor should have a clear vision of the path the student will walk. It’s essential to have experience in the field where you’re proposing a research objective.⁷ A good advisor doesn’t just aim to inspire. They also motivate and pass down their knowledge (generation to generation, as it should be) through a new challenge, developed in consensus with the student, and guided by a research protocol⁸ established from the outset. And there are many other considerations: the time frame for achieving goals, culminating in a written thesis, and much more.

The most important thing is that this new relationship (this "advisor–advisee" bond) is fulfilling. That knowledge is genuinely transferred. That there are stories, healthy camaraderie, and mutual significance in each other’s professional lives. In my case, I’ve come to realize that this entire profile I’ve described is very similar (not identical) to raising a child. That is to say: I see myself as an academic father.⁹ Someone who cares for their students, looks out for them, is generous yet firm, exercises authority when needed, and above all, sets a good example, both personally and professionally. Students don’t always understand this (some more than others) because they view things from their limited perspective, shaped by inexperience, and may judge accordingly. That’s how it’s always been. This is a human relationship. Both sides must show empathy, control emotions (especially pride) and give a little. Above all, we must protect the trust between us, which is the largest part of a feeling we call love (just like nitrogen is the main component of air).

Perhaps the greatest challenge for a thesis advisor is recognizing when their academic children are growing up and becoming independent. Maybe it’s because they’re outstanding students, who’ve greatly contributed to the lab. Or maybe because we feel we still have something to teach them: experience. But that’s what I call cultural fear.¹⁰ We must prepare for what I believe is the central point of this essay: the possibility that one or more of our students will surpass us, either during our lifetime or after we’re gone.

For me, it doesn’t matter how many accolades or prizes I may receive. The greatest recognition of all will be to have mentored exceptional professionals. As I’ve said before, we aim to pass the baton in our lineage, to transcend and perpetuate our body of knowledge. And all of this is built on communication and respect. I can proudly say that my academic father is a great man who taught me to think this way. I will never hold a grudge against my students or take things personally, no matter the situation. Life has taught me (after four decades) that it is life itself that truly teaches us through our mistakes.

If you are young, you still have time to see the consequences of your actions reflected in your future work, your children, your karma and to reflect and learn. If you’re older, you already know that life wasn’t made for hatred, revenge, or conflict (because our time to enjoy this life it is too short). We must love, cooperate, and evolve together as a community, a country, and a planet.

And it all begins, in the scientific world, by honoring and respecting my academic father. And in turn, as a thesis advisor, by trusting that I will one day pass the baton to the next generation.

NOTES

1. I’ve grown accustomed to seeing one institution inside another, and I’ve learned that autonomy and mutual respect are key to collaboration.

2. In his language, to care for someone is synonymous with loving them.

3. That is, for you to revisit later in life.

4. I don’t deny that sometimes a student may be right in their criticism, especially if their advisor had poor mentorship as a student themselves. Thankfully, that was not my experience.

5. The quiet ones are the most demanding.

6. Though ideally not a truly angry face!

7. This is open to debate—some may argue that if the path is already known, it’s like asking the student to walk a trail that leads nowhere new.

8. Known in Mexico as the thesis pre-project.

9. Clarifying: this term academic father is not to be confused with a biological or adoptive parental role. I use the word father to distinguish it from friend—which, in this context, is not quite the right fit.

10. Cultural fear arises from tradition, custom, or divergent ideologies that are imposed by others.